Bah Humbug!

Been a long time, i know...

To be honest, i should know better. I've gone to sleep pretty much every night since i've been back from uni telling myself that i need to walk away as i'm not happy. The ex is still 100% in my life and it's so hard! I love him more than i ever intended to and can't pull myself away from him. However, it seems the more and more i put myself out there the harder the blow at when getting knocked back. I know what i'm doing is foolish and embarrassing so why don't i stop? Truth is i hope that one day he will wake up out of the blue and realise that i'm what he wants, but deep down i know this is stupidly deluded, as we don't live in a fairytale. Sex and the City's Samantha definitely got it right, casual sex must be the way forward, as real feelings these days are clearly nothing more than a myth.

Goodnight All,

A Pessimistic Holly :(
xxx

P.S. Happy Fucking Christmas!

Where is the love?

Feeling of the day: Needy!

Today i awoke to the slamming of doors and shouting of a friend. Not best pleased! I know it's midday and i should already be awake, but when you've not hit the sack until gone 4am it's really hard to wake yourself up. I know, self inflicted.

After dragging myself out of bed i then took up the challenge of dying Laurie's hair. I quite enjoy dying hair actually, it's quite relaxing and makes me feel like i have a skill. However, i do envy the thickness of everyone elses hair. Why is mine so thin? The finished product of Laurie's hair was a lovely soft brown with copper tones, it looked very nice and super shiny :). Another happy customer.

I'm now lying in my bed fully clothed, as this house is absolutely FREEZING! As mentioned earlier i am feeling very needy today. I don't know why, i'm just having one of those days where i just want to snuggle up to someone (got a certain someone in mind) and watch a film. However, at this time in life, that is physically impossible. Always the way. It seems that ever since i've not been in a situation where this is an option its become more of a want. Why do we always wants what we can't have? Is it because we forget how it feels to actually have what it is we want and therefore see it through rose tinted glasses, or is that we are just ever wanting beings? Sighhh!

I'm going to hug my hot water bottle doggy :(

Goodnight
xoxo

Dunno why i don't like Sundays

Another Sunday out the way, i hate them, always have. I think it's something to do with the trading laws, I've just always felt they're a wasted day (rich coming from someone that spends half the day in bed i know but, oh well). Today i went to Laurie's house and pretty much just gossipped. We discussed the annoyance of males in our lives, Christmas films and Bruno Mars as i currently have an obsession with 'It Will Rain'. We also shared our excitement about a long awaited night out on Friday.

On the topic of our big night out, i am quite frustrated on the wardrobe front. I am definitely in between sizes in not only clothes but shoes also. Sure, if you're lucky you can get half sizes in shoes, but as for clothing, what about all of the 9,11,13 & 15's out there! Who's gonna cater for us? Maybe i have found a niche in the market? So yes, does one go for a little too big or a little too small as I'm no longer wishing to 'grow into it'. I suppose i should go for the smaller as a bit of weight loss wouldn't go a miss to be honest. Oh the trials and tribulations of being a female!

This time next week i will be back home in my bed :). Don't get me wrong, i love living alone with the my girls, but sometimes it's nice to have family around and be a little less independent. I'm also looking forward to my sister's company as it's been a while since we've watched trashy celebrity TV together.

Just a short one tonight, feeling a bit down and sleepy so I'm gonna put a film on and hope for a happy dream, that'll cheer me up!

Goodnight!
A sleepy Holly
xoxo

A Contemplative Saturday

Hello :)

Well, it's now Saturday so yes, I've already missed out on a day of blogging I know! In my defense i did quite a lot yesterday. After my American Postmodernism seminar I rushed home and got ready to visit Becca's Nativity play. The play was cute with a modern twist and the fact that we sat outside on blankets under the stars all snuggled up made it quite romantic, shame there wasn't a male interest there to share it with :(. After the Nativity we went back home and played our new obsession, Taboo! I'm starting to think I'm a bit of a pro at this game as Laurie and I won! That's the second time I've been on the winning team! We then watched TV before waving goodbye to Laurie and Emily VG for the evening. Was a pretty perfect Friday night in.

Now onto today. Well, I woke up after a weird dream including an unexpected male protagonist. The dream included confusion and kissing, the two almost go hand in hand. I then popped into town with Laurie to once again spend money we don't have. However Laurie's bargainous shoes were well worth the minuscule splurge! After returning home I've had time to think. Things on my mind;

Men
Are they really worth all the hassle? I mean it seems we throw ourselves out there, making ourselves completely vulnerable and what do we get in return? Disappointment 99.9% of the time! I'm in a position right now where I am completely confused. A few months ago my boyfriend and I broke up. For the two years that we were together I can honestly say I gave the relationship my all, as I am a strong believer of putting in what you expect to get out. However, he was never completely devoted and things got really bad and towards the end I was mostly unhappy. A while ago he said he wanted to try again with me but I of course have my doubts as I don't want to fall back into a trap i can't get out of. Since we broke up it's got easier and easier to be single and I've enjoyed seeing other people. However, I do feel he knows me better than anyone else and there's not much i don't tell him, and i do miss him so much. Do I give him one last shot now that we're in a good place and more level headed? Or do I admit defeat and move on with my life? If only life was actually a fairytale.

Money
I really should start saving it! Whenever I know I have a bit of money left over the first thing that comes to mind is SHOPPING! Recently I've been trying to only purchase small things that will enable me to adapt my wardrobe rather than change it. The key item on the adaptation list...necklaces! I find myself slightly obsessed with them. Not only have I put about four on my Christmas list, but I have bought five this week alone! What is wrong with me? Why do I find this piece of jewellery so fulfilling? Maybe I should move onto earrings? Anyway, money, I really do buy things I don't need!

Uni work
I haven't done much of it. Don't get me wrong, I really like my modules this year, it's just having the will power to sit down and actually get down to it! I keep telling myself that when I go home for Christmas I will sit at my desk and just turn into some kind of essay writing monster! However, I fear that this will not happen as I am in fact the queen of procrastinating. For example instead of sitting here writing this blog right now I could be starting an assignment, or at the very least reading. But nope, this is merely another distraction (a good one though). I really wanna do well this year. Why isn't wanting something enough to make you get it?

That's enough of that. I feel very Christmassy at the moment. All day I've really been in the mood to watch 'Elf', 'The Holiday' or 'Miracle on 34th Street', however I think I'll have to settle for whatever is on 4OD.

Goodnight!
Holly
xoxo

P.S. Congratulations to Dougie Poynter on being crowned 'King of the Jungle'. Best looking Monarch? I think so!

A simple act of kindness and a kiss goodbye

I'm Back! Two days in a row, wow! I'm starting to fear that this blog may become a bit of a whirlwind relationship. Spend the first few weeks in each others pockets then slowly but surely you lose interest in the once new exciting affair and find yourself looking elsewhere for something to fill your spare time, as the previous 'whirlwind' has now become more of an annoying breeze. Sound all a bit too familiar? So, i'm gonna try very hard to keep this romance alight!

I started my day by forcing myself out of my bed and downstairs to await a delivery on a replacement phone. Mundane one might think...but oh no, not in my world! So, the courier turns up parcel under arm (met the guy before when he delivered an ASOS package, he kindly shared his view of how students are merely lazy tax dodgers). He then proceeds to open the parcel for me and hands me a phone. Yes, A phone, not THE phone just THE WRONG PHONE! Ofcourse, it wasn't his fault, how was he to know the phone company cocked up? I refused delivery and set about my next task of confronting the phone company. After numerous times of being cut off, i finally spoke to someone who told me that my model had actually been discontinued so i had been sent this new phone as an alternative, however with it being a replacement you are not supplied with a battery or back cover for the phone. We agreed on the alternative phone being sent out again the next day on the terms that i would be credited for however much the battery and back cover would cost. With this in mind, i trotted off into town, quite annoyed by the whole ordeal and not holding out much hope to get either item in my local branch of the phone company. I was correct. I explained my ordeal to the man and he shared my confusion as to why i was not being given the complete brand new phone, battery, back cover and all. He then had a little look on his online store and informed me that both items were out of stock there too! After a few minutes of wondering how he could help me the man then did what seemed to be this years first dose of Christmas Spirit! He disappeared into the back room for a few minutes and reappeared with what appeared to be the phone i would be receiving the next day. He then took the phone out of the box and removed the back cover and battery and placed it infront of me. He then uttered a line which i considered pretty funny as he put the battery & backless phone back into it's box..."God knows why this phone was delivered to us without a back and a battery". I reached for my purse and he said..."no, don't worry about it". Saying that i wanted to hug him would be an understatement. After expressing my thanks in as many verbal means as possible i went on my way a very happy bunny. Now i know this may sound a it silly, me finding his little act of kindness so amazing, but i just keep thinking that he didn't have to go that far out of his way to help me. He didn't get a sale out of it, nor did he gain anything else. It was literally a selfless act. So, thank you very much to the man who saved my techno-disaster. May i also mention that being without a working phone is very hard! Sad i know :(

On a more interesting note, the girls and myself had our first homemade Christmas 'Unimass' roast together this evening! It was amazing! Our evening was filled with food, fun and lots of bucks fizz! We played several games of 'Articulate' with our fizz in hand and exchanged our 'Secret Santa' gifts, all of which were extremely fitting! I recived a cute charm necklace and a packet of Jelly Willies courtesy of Nicole! (Not that Jelly Willies are in any way fitting for me)

If anything was reiterated tonight, apart from the fact that crude candy is a popular gift in our household, it was that Tian and myself do make one hell of a team, and are clearly on the same wavelength when it comes to describing a word in a way some others may not seem as obvious as it does to us. Although the night was perfect, it was also a goodbye to Nicole who is disappearing off on placement back home until March :(. I'm sure the once annoying footsteps i hear above my head of you plodding around of a morning will soon turn into a distant comforting memory...or maybe i'll enjoy the silence! I just hope Tian and Becca don't leave me too! Au Revoir for now Nicole, mwah!

On that note, I am off to watch 'Living with the Amish' to remind myself that I should back off the material goods (ie. fashion related shopping!)

Goodnight from a festive fizzy Holly
xoxo

P.S. Happy December!